Life is an unknown journey that we must embrace and fully experience knowing that most of the excitement lies in the complexities and unanswered questions. At times it may appear as though you've been dealt the wrong hand. You may find yourself in a difficult situation wondering why you were put there and how in the hell to claw your way out. At times such as these we find ourselves questioning our choices, our circumstances, and sometimes even God himself. Wondering why bad things happen to good people.
I myself know all too well this story of self discovery and if you are lucky, such as I was, the realization that peace and understanding can come out of the most hurtful of circumstances. Just the other day I was once again put to the test of strength, courage, and faith, and as happens with all of us for a moment I faltered. My elder sister, Jordan, who suffers from a mental disability known as Austism cut herself. Leaving my parents and I once again to attempt to unscramble the pieces of an all too familiar puzzle. It would be easy to say that after a little over six years dealing with these things that I have grown used to these 'episodes' and while to a certain extent that rings true, how does one ever truly get used to that idea? Especially when with acceptance of that idea means acknowledging that you are helpless, and acknowledging that you are helpless feels like surrenduring to a disease you can neither understand nor control.
It is human nature to grieve and to allow from that grief a level of understanding to sweep over you. Perhaps you will understand, as I have, that some mysteries aren't meant to be solved and that sometimes the only thing you can do for someone is to love them completely and unconditionally.
I would be lying if I told you that this journey is easy, for the struggles I have faced weigh a bit on my heart, but without pain and heartache would love and laughter be the great gifts that they are? I'm not saying that I have all the answers, in fact I have more questions and uncertainties than I will ever produce answers for, but if life has taught me anything its that you and you alone are meant to decide who you are.
I have no idea what compelled me to write this piece, perhaps just feelings I have bottled inside looking for a way to escape, either way to anyone who may read this I hope it can help you in some small way...writing it helped me!
